Remember the good old days of your childhood Halloweens, when mom made your beautiful Snow White costume by hand, or dad ran to Kmart at the last minute to pick up a pre-packaged Batman costume, complete with black plastic mask? You would don your gear, grab your plastic orange pumpkin, and head off into the neighborhood to score some sugary goodies.

While cavities and stomach aches were the only worries you had during your childhood, the Halloweens of your adult years come with new concerns: Risking frostbite because you’ve shimmied your way into a crop-top skirted “Cherry Red Riding Hood”  or avoiding alcohol poisoning from the powerful “Ecto-cooler“ you were funneling at a haunted house party.

What once was a day of “trick-or-treats” is now filled with women who look like they’re turning tricks and the men who are pimping them. What can the fashionable do if they want a Halloween costume that is witty and chic, but doesn’t scream “hooker or psycho?” While anyone with a wife beater and fishnets can dress up as Amy Winehouse, it takes some skill to put together a clever costume that you won’t be embarrassed about once you sober up.

For those with a sleek boyish frame, look no further than the chancellor of style himself, Karl Lagerfeld. Pull on those black skinny jeans, shiny black flat shoes, white high collar button-up shirt, black jacket, black tie with a broach pinned on, black fingerless gloves, and a medium-length white wig pulled back in a ponytail. Most items are easy to find in your own closet, thus making this recession-proof chic. The other fashionistas will approve.

Another closet friendly costume would be that of a Hipster. Easy for men or for women, you just need the tightest skinny jeans you can squeeze into, slightly worn shoes, a vintage t-shirt, plain hoodie or plaid button-down, unwashed hair, and thick-framed glasses that have either clear lenses, or no lenses at all. Bonus points if you spiff up your costume by adding a headband tied around your forehead, ripped tights, and a smug sense of self entitlement.

The timeliest costume of the season appears to be that of Republican Vice Presidential nominee Sarah Palin. If you’re like Joe six-pack and you’re trying to save a buck, just dig up that skirt suit you haven’t worn since your last job interview, don some wire-rimmed glasses, and pin up your hair in the signature Palin-esq up-do. If you want to splurge, rush to your nearest department store and find a red suit, or a red jacket and red skirt separates. (And if you really want to splurge, a wig that mimics her up-do is available for slightly less than $700.) Extra credit if you can affect her Alaskan accent and stay sober enough to spout some Palin sound bites. Show the RNC that it doesn’t take $150,000 to look like Sarah.

-Liz Black, Staff Writer